I Wanna Be a Barbie Girl

               As I said in class, I really liked reading “Soft Targets for Black Girls” by Essex Hemphill because I can relate. As a child, my favorite toys to play with were Barbie dolls and little princess and Bratz figurines. I loved playing with them and while the little figurine toys had a little more variety, Barbie didn’t. Yes, I had old dolls such as Jasmine and Aladdin, handed down from my mom and there were usually a couple of black dolls. However, most of them were white. The Barbie movies are a great example of Barbie always being a white girl with blue sparkly eyes, and nice straight, blond hair. She could always sing, which I loved because I would sing along. Reflecting on it now, I saw that as beautiful; I saw being white as beautiful. Yes, I’m partially white, however I have brown curly hair and tanned skin. Barbie never had that. So I wanted to have straight, long, blond hair like Barbie because I wanted to be beautiful like her. I wanted to have my hair straightened all the time and even to this day, I think I look prettier with straight hair.

                Playing with a white doll didn’t really affect the way I thought of my skin until I got to middle school and became self-conscious of my body and the way I look. Although I played soccer in elementary school a few times a week, I didn’t get too dark. When I started sixth grade, I was out in the sun every day for about two-three hours running for cross country and playing soccer. This meant that I got dark. If you look at my picture from fifth grade and compare it to that of sixth grade, you can see a slightly drastic change. I had hated that I got darker, and admittedly, I still do. Maybe that is because Barbie brain washed me… lol. But seriously! As I wrote the last few sentences, I realized that Barbie can be talked about literally, but can also symbolize how white-washed everything is. On TV and in movies, I’d see more white female actors than anything. The cosmetics commercials were almost always of white girls, which is very impacting on who a girl thinks is beautiful. And being biracial, I didn’t get to see someone like me being represented. There was never a girl who was light skinned with curly hair that wasn’t quite kinky, so subconsciously, I began to see myself as less beautiful.

                However, there is so much more representation today in media that I hope other little girls can see themselves and say, “I am beautiful.” I haven’t really seen a Barbie to represent someone like me but I bet there’s something out there. I mean, I don’t play with them anymore… so I have no motivation to look. But again, I bet it is out there.

                Also, I wanted to fully articulate a brief comment that I said in class. It is true that internal racism still affects the black community, among other communities. In class, I said that I know someone who says that her daughter is too dark. Actually, I remember her saying that before the girl was born, she said, “I hope she doesn’t come out dark.” I remember the person saying that she wanted her daughter to have white dolls rather than black ones. Having a girl’s own mother telling her that she is too dark, that she isn’t one hundred percent beautiful is arguably worse than less representation in media. As a parent, you should be a role model and be the person saying, they, being the media, are wrong and you are beautiful. So I fail to understand the culture of shaming a child for something they can’t control because I never was told, “You’re too dark.” However, I think this mindset is gradually changing with phrases like, “Black Girl Magic” and “Black is Beautiful.” You see more black people going natural with their hair and accepting themselves, which is beautiful. Black is beautiful. Despite the fact that Barbie never told us that we are beautiful.